What Happened In The Shower

I do my best thinking/praying in the shower. I don't know if it is the extended period of silence, the relaxation of the warm water, or the chance to just be alone, but most of my epiphanies happen over wet tile. This morning was no exception. I'll explain in a minute.

Also this morning, Seth went to get his blood redrawn for his liver panel test. We should have the results on Monday, and then it will be decided whether or not he needs a liver biopsy. The past two months that we've been waiting for this next set of tests, we've both sort of put the whole thing out of mind, rested in God's peace, and just gone on with the business of living life. But as the test loomed over us this week, I've found myself giving into the temptation to worry a little bit. And once I give into to anxiety, then I start coming up with all sorts of worst case scenarios. Not pretty, not good, and definitely not productive.

I also have to confess that my prayers the past week have really been just sort of a blanket appeal: "Come on God, please just give me a break". After all that has transpired this year, I just feel incapable of being able to handle having a husband with a major illness/disease. Frankly, I still am not that confident in how I'll be able to cope. I feel like it has been all I can do to just hold on lately- and "another thing" might just be the tipping point.

So this week I have come to God with my requests, confident that He hears them, confident that He is able to do something about them, but not really confident in His care. I know that He is trustworthy, and tender, and loving, but I haven't really felt that He is all of those things. But then I had the aha-moment in the shower.

You see, this year those whom I should have been able to trust let me down. Let me down in a big, destructive way. And I'm hurt. And I'm wary. And I'm weary.

And, while lathering my hair with coconut shampoo this morning, I came to the realization that in the midst of all of this turmoil, pain and betrayal have silently been polluting my image of God. I've been letting the rejection and heartache I've been experiencing form a frame around who I think God is and what I think He is capable/willing to do in our lives. And let me tell you that it is one ugly frame.

God should not be made to fit into man-sized proportions. Instead of seeing God as the so-far-beyond-what-I-can-comprehend Being that He is, I've been squeezing Him into a finite construct so I can then try and wrap my teensy little brain around who He is and what He's up to. But there is a lot of trouble when we stop seeing humankind through God's eyes and mistakenly try and understand God through our experience with humankind. And that's exactly what I've been doing.

Though it wasn't conscious, I'd been letting my pain define my God, instead of letting my God define my pain.

So this morning, I'm praying for a clean slate - a new perspective of hope, renewed trust in His love for me, and a fresh ability to rest in that love. I'm praying for a heart that is not hardened by scars, but one that is softened by the continuously healing hand of Christ. I'm praying that no matter what the test results reveal, what life throws at me, or what "other thing" each new day brings, I will be able to bless the Lord's name with full assurance in His tender care, and His ability to work all things together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.

And that's what happened in the shower.

Popeye's Secret Ally

During our recent hunting trip/vacation our friend made this shake for us. I was skeptical at first about the "secret ingredient", but is true - you cannot taste the spinach. It is a new favorite of Seth's and Juliette's. Give it a try - it's a great way to sneak in an extra serving of veggies.

Blueberry Smoothie

1 cup blueberries
1 cup yogurt
1 1/2 - 2 cups spinach
1/2 - 1 cup juice ( I've been using blueberry pomegranate this week)

Mix in a blender until smooth. Makes about three cups and a messy toddler.

Keepin' It Clean

My husband has often accused me of being a neat-freak. The fact that I take that as a compliment might lend credence to his accusation, but the fact that I've had dirt on my bathroom floor for nearly a week now clearly proves otherwise.

I am not going to deny that I like things neat and tidy, and I might possibly even be persuaded to confess that when the house is a total pigsty I start to shut down internally, but when it comes to dusting or scrubbing toilets - well frankly, I can think of a thousand other things I'd rather do.

Housecleaning is important to me, but I confess that the self-discipline required to actually do the cleaning isn't an inherent trait for me. I have to work at getting motivated to clean - especially if we aren't having any company. (Someone once said that having company is God's gift of motivation towards cleaning your house. Amen!) And seeing that we are in the middle of a dry spell (three weeks with no company) my motivation is waning.

Over the years, I've tried all sorts of cleaning regiments to try and stay on top of things. Before I was a mom, and I was working full time, Saturday morning was cleaning time. Of course my favorite regiment was when I hired someone to come in and clean the house for me, but those days are long gone. Right now, I've found that if I do a little bit each day, keeping the house clean is a lot easier.

Here is my current regime:

Monday -Laundry/Wash & Change Bed Linens

Tuesday - Vacuum/Clean Mirrors & Glass

Wednesday - Wipe Down Kitchen / Sweep & Mop

Thursday - Dust / Water Plants

Friday - Clean Bathrooms

Saturday - Vacuum

I have to confess though, that often times these things don't get done on the days allotted for them. If my kitchen is fairly clean, but the bathrooms are gross, I might switch it up. I like to keep life exciting like that.

And, of course, there is always the old adage, "It is easier to keep up than it is to catch up". If I notice the sink needs wiped out, I try to do it right then and there. If there are a lot of crumbs on the floor, I'll sweep them up before they get tracked all through the house - generally. But then again, there is that week-old dirt on my bathroom floor. I really should go wipe that up. But then again, I wouldn't want anyone to think I was a neat-freak or anything like that.

Happy cleaning!

The Big 3-0!!!

Happy 30th birthday Seth!

You're definitely my favorite thirty-year-old.

Thanks for all you are and all you do for our family.

I love you more!!!

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

"The health club is a modern temple, complete with initiation rites and elaborate rituals, its objects of worship on constant and glorious display. I [detect] a trace of theology there, for such devotion to the human form gives evidence of the genius of a Creator who designed with aesthetic flair. The human person is worth preserving. And yet, in the end, the health club stands as a pagan temple. Its members strive to preserve only one part of the person: the body, the least enduring part of all. . . .

"Physical training is of some value, the apostle Paul advised his protege Timothy, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. . . . I have to ask myself . . . how much time and energy do I devote to each?"

- Philip Yancey Finding God in Unexpected Places

The Dish

Not-Me-Monday: Lambs, Bunnies, and Beards

November cannot be nearly a third of the way over. I haven't even put up pictures of Juliette in her costume.




Of course, I certainly did not sew her a costume that was supposed to be a sheep but might have been mistaken for a rabbit nearly 1/2 of the time. Nope, not me. I like to create costumes that are clearly identifiable.

I certainly did not take Juliette trick-or-treating either. Not me! She can't walk and she doesn't eat candy, so I would never dress her up, lug her around in one arm and a plastic yellow jack-o-lantern in the other collecting sugar and corn syrup wrapped in bright packages. Nope, not me. And Seth and I didn't eat any of that candy either. No way!

One of the highlights of our vacation/hunting trip was not the fact that Seth shaved his beard. I confess that I am not a little perplexed why his beard should grow faster than the hair on his head. How can one man grow this much facial hair in four weeks?

I certainly did not suggest that since it was Halloween, my husband should shave a crazy partial shave. No way. I'm not silly like that.

Of course, when he came out of the bathroom looking like a total redneck I did not laugh so hard I nearly split my side. Nor, after an hour, did I decide that I just couldn't stand it anymore and order him back into the bathroom to finish off the beard. No, not me. I'm not that shallow.

We had a wonderful time on our trip. Of course, it has not taken me over a week to catch up on laundry, groceries, bills, etc. The fact that Juliette has cut 5 teeth in the past 5 days hasn't had anything to do with the fact that I have been so far behind on everything. And of course, I'd never be glad to use my daughter as an excuse when it comes to not being on top of my chores. Nope, not me. Definitely, not me.

~~~

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