Not Me Monday: Tossing, Turning, and Bad Mothering

This week I most definitely not drink a soda on two separate occasions, and then wonder why I was still tossing and turning at one a.m. I am not super sensitive to caffeine, and if I was, I certainly would not drink such sugary, bad-for-you concoctions so close to bedtime. Nope, not me!



I did not neglect to cut up my child's snack into little pieces, and subsequently watch her choke, much to the horror of several moms that I was picnicking with. I did not just casually tell her to spit it out, and nonchalantly coaxed the "larger" chunks out with my finger, while the other mom's practically had to hold themselves back from dialing 9-1-1. Not me!



At that same picnic, I did not just decide to turn the car on, leave it running in the parking lot, and let Juliette take her nap there, instead of in her quiet, comfortable bed. No, I always make sure that she gets the best possible rest in the best possible environment. And I'd never put my desire to visit with friends ahead of her needs. Nope, not me!



My husband is definitely not planning on purchasing a boat while I am away in Boston this week. He would never make such a huge purchase without me, and besides he has not tired of wake boarding "redneck" style. No sirree!



I definitely didn't let Juliette feed herself a whole package of blueberries. Or document the aftermath.





Oxi-clean has not become my new favorite stain remover either!


And during one of those late night tossing and turning sessions, it did not suddenly dawn on me that I have not sanitized or even washed my daughter's pacifiers in weeks. And my daughter certainly doesn't still use a pacifier. And I definitely don't feel guilty about giving it to her. Nope, not me!

~~~

More Not-Me-Monday Fun Here:

Hodge Podge

* Juliette was caught standing on her on Tuesday. She hasn't done it since - but it can only be a matter of time. She has, however, figured out how to repeatedly open the doors to our entertainment center. DVDs are her new favorite plaything.

* I'm getting excited about my upcoming trip to Boston next week. I've never been to the North East, so this will be a new experience. We're trying to pack light, as the whole purpose of the trip is to help my younger sister move out there to go to school. So I'm determined to pack 4 days worth of necessities into my purse and diaper bag. If I succeed, I'll be sure to blog about it.

*Seth and I had a wonderful time at our new state's film festival last night. We got to watch a 1920's silent film (Sky High), which was accompanied by a live musical ensemble from the state university. I've never seen a silent film in the theatre, so it was a real treat. Seth's great-grandmother used to play the organ/piano for the silent movies. She must have been very talented - because playing such a variety of mood music based strictly on visual cues, and for such an extended time would require an immense amount of flexibility and stamina.

*Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness, Morning by morning new mercies I see, All I have needed, Thy hand has provided, Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me. This is such a fabulous hymn - definitely one of my favorites. Today when Chris Rice's version of it came on the radio I was struck by how, when I envision the future I seldom think about all of the "new mercies" that lie ahead. Instead I think of the possible ways things could go bad, all of the trials I might have to face. I never say, "Wow, I can't wait to see what amazing mercies I'm going to see". Imagine how differently I'd live my life if I changed my mindset. Going to start working on that.

*Finally, a weekend home. Yeah!

Let Me Play You A Little Song

The Great Forgivers

I'm an avid reader of WWII literature. There is something so fascinating to me about that time period: about the struggles that generation faced, about the amazing difficulties that they overcame. Their selflessness, bravery, and intrinsic grace amid such dark and utterly evil circumstances inspire me.

I'm particularly challenged by those who suffered in ghettos and concentration camps, and yet chose to show love, patience, and forgiveness to their captors. How does one do that? Often I get upset over petty offenses, wanting "justice" over minor slights, and yet many of them suffered extreme physical cruelty and abuse. Many of them watched their family and friends even die because of atrocious treatment and vile conditions. Yet, they were able to put love and forgiveness into practice. It completely baffles me!

Recently as I was meditating on the whole concept of forgiveness, I reread the passage of the prodigal son. Many times I recognize my own heart in that of the prodigal - spurning the love and safety of my Father, squandering my energies on what is unprofitable, lusting after unsatisfying and meaningless things, and then shamefully returning to the Father with nothing but empty hands and a cast down spirit. Yet this time, as I read the story, I found my heart echoing the voice of the elder son:

"Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him." (Luke 15:29-30)

I keep the rules. I do what is right. I serve. I obey. The prodigal didn't do those things. Therefore the prodigal doesn't deserve anything but punishment. Right?

But the father's response doesn't really even address the punishment issue at all, instead he says, "Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. . . "(Luke 15:31)

What a strange response. Certainly not one I would have picked.

I don't pretend to know how forgiveness works, what elements are necessary to make it work, or even what it looks like at times, but I've come to believe that forgiveness starts with taking our eyes off "the offender" and putting them on our relationship with the Lord and all that He has given us. Because when we do that, we remember the sacrifices and forgiveness that have been bestowed on our behalf, and then we are able to pass that on. Otherwise we're too wrapped up in a me-me-mentality to remember how often we've received more than we deserved.

Perhaps WWII greats (i.e. Corrie Ten Boom, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, etc.) weren't able to mete out love and forgiveness to those who destroyed their lives. At least not on their own. Rather, I'd like to think that it was their willingness to say, "The Father has always been with me, I've never been out of His presence. And there was nothing you could do to me to change that fact. Besides, all that I have is His, and all that He has to offer is mine. He's treated me better that I ever deserved. Therefore, I can pass that love and forgiveness onto you. Not because you deserve it either, but because none of us ever really could."

You have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours.

Lord help me dwell on this truth, and when the opportunity arises for me to show forgiveness and love to others, help me be like those who have gone before - those that have chosen to take their eyes off the offender and the offense and have chosen instead to put them on You. Those that have been examples of the power Your presence, Your love, and Your forgiveness brings to those of us who are so undeserving!

Not-Me-Monday: Running on Fumes

I already posted a few of the crazy things we did not do this week - particularly involving a rope, a four-wheeler, and a wake board. After that, everything else we did not do this week seems pretty mild.

This weekend we went to the Big City and did a lot of work around our rental house there. We installed new screens and smoke detectors, and did our best to clean-up the yard. I definitely did not make Juliette hang out in her stroller the entire time, even though she really needed a nap (and a diaper change!). And we definitely wouldn't be so pressed for time, that I even left her in the stroller when the rain started down-pouring, and we were scrambling around to get everything finished. What is a stroller canopy for anyways? Nope, not me!

We certainly did not spray chemical weed killer in the back. Organic, natural, recycling, earth-loving me? No way! And if I would have done such a thing, I absolutely would have had the sense to wear adequate protection on my body while I was spraying those evil, flesh-burning, chemicals. Who wears flip-flops while doing yard work anyways? Nope, not me! (But really, you should have seen these weeds, Seth couldn't even whack them down with a weed eater, but had to pull their massive redwood-like stalks out with his own bare hands. Which certainly didn't make me marvel at his sheer strength - no way!).

We didn't leave the rental house, covered in dirt, mud, grass-clippings, and chemicals, with only 45 minutes to spare before Seth was supposed to be an usher at a wedding. No way! We always give ourselves plenty of time to get cleaned up. And I definitely didn't do my make-up in the car, let my hair dry on the way, and sneak my straightener down to the church basement to fix my hair moments before the wedding started.

The wedding was beautiful, and I didn't even get choked up when the groom started crying when he saw his bride walking down the aisle. I'm not that sappy - nope, not me!

After the wedding we went to watch some of my younger brothers and sisters play for a musical festival, and then we had a huge family picture taken with my sister who was visiting in town with her soon-to-be fiance. We have not had a family picture in . . . well . . . I don't know . . . maybe three years? Or something like that. I certainly never forget those sorts of things.

My dad, sisters, and their significant others

My step-father, mom, aunt and her son (left-hand side) and my brothers and sisters.

I on the other hand, did not neglect to take a single picture this entire weekend. Nope, not me!

After church yesterday, we went out to eat and then headed home. Our plan was to get gas in a town that is about half-way between The Big City and the High Arid Plains. Seth and I definitely did not zone out, and completely forget to fill up the tank. Nor did we drive the last 30 miles of our trip with the low-fuel sign on. I mean, who pushes their car to within a 1/3 of gallon of gas? Not me!

Last night, we definitely did not laze around on the couch ALL evening, watching Netflix's movies. Nor did Seth and I both fall asleep on the couch by nine-thirty. I never fall asleep watching a movie - nope, not me. Definitely, not me!

~~~

More Not-Me-Monday Fun:

Turning Into Our Parents?

Seth's parents came through town on their way home from vacation, and stayed with us for a couple of nights this week. It is always wonderful to have them here. And of course Juliette always enjoys the extra attention!

A funny topic came up yesterday, as we were all eating lunch together. We started discussing some of my father in-law's "idiosyncrasies" and the fact that Seth sometimes finds himself doing the same things. Of course the topic was funny, mostly because it was about them, and not about me. Ha!

At the end of our laughs, Seth's mom said, "It's inevitable, we all turn into our parents". What? Really? Yikes!

There is a lot of truth in that though. Good or bad, much of who we are and who we become is molded and shaped by our parents. Not only do we get their nose and chin, but often their likes/dislikes, interests, passions, and unfortunately, even idiosyncrasies.

But instead of getting panicky about the fact that I might have purchased a pair of shoes that my mother would not only like but might actually own - a fact that didn't dawn on me until I had already paid for them and put them in my closet yesterday- I am choosing to meditate on what this "inevitability" means from the flip side.

I mean, if it is certain that Juliette will inherit various aspects of my persona, how does that shape my behavior? In what ways can I strive to be a more loving and grace-filled person, in order to influence the shaping of her character? Let's face it, if she is going to be like me, I definitely want to be the best version of me that I can be!

Too bad I can't just choose what traits, habits, and even idiosyncrasies she'll inherit. That would be crazy, wouldn't it - if we could choose things like that for our children? There are things I'd definitely want to pass on to her(or not!), but some things wouldn't be so black and white. For example, would I want her to be goal-oriented, even if it meant she might always be tempted to base her self-worth on what she does, rather than who she is? Would I want her to love to read, even if it meant she might strain her eyes doing so? Would I want her to have a strong "teacher's" voice, even if she was always having to tone it down when talking one-on-one? And the thing is, certain things that I might dislike about myself, and would never dream of passing on, might not only be the very things that make me me, but they might also be what God uses to reveal Himself in her life. Hmmm. . . okay, never mind. This whole idea is a pretty stupid one.

So while picking and choosing the exact personality traits that Juliette inherits may not be possible (or even a good idea) , I am not going to give up on encouraging her to only imitate the good in me. My mantra will be "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Cor 11:1) That way, if she burns the meatloaf, drives too fast or screams loudly when she stubs her toe we can just blame that on Seth's side. Now that's a good idea! :)

An Afternoon With Jewel